#5: Intimacy Selfishness vs. Selflessness
One of the classic points of conflict with respect to broken relationships is the question of selfishness and selflessness, both sexually and otherwise.
Sexual selfishness is, understandably, a very sensitive subject, and precisely the kind of thing which is perfect to discuss with a couples counselor who is objective and trained to deal with these issues.
For our part here, it’s important to recognize that while sexual happiness is a vital part of just about any romantic relationship that runs for a long period of time, sexual selfishness can put a huge strain on the relationship.
Part of this stems from the fact that different people are able to achieve ‘satisfaction’ at different times and as a result of different things, which in turn can cause a disconnect.
You might be euphoric, and wonder what your partner could possibly have to complain about, but remember that all experiences are unique—sexual ones doubly so—and what makes you happy might not be the same for them.
The importance of openness and communication rears its head here again in determining if your partner is satisfied the way you are; if not, barring anything outrageous or dangerous, you might want to try out something they think is erotic or would otherwise make them happy, even if it doesn’t ‘do it’ for you, thus showing their happiness matters to you.
That being said, taking the high ground too often and appearing selfless for selfish reasons—ie, bringing up how ‘selfless’ you are—is nagging at best and irritating at worst.
The resulting fiction is how many broken relationships get started, as little annoyances build up over time, being repeated without correction.
Not all relationships are dependent upon sex, of course, but if physical intimacy is a point of contention between you and your partner, you might want to reexamine the sexual dynamic between you two.