Communication in marriage is arguably the most important element of a relationship. Without communication, every aspect of the relationship will eventually crumble.
It’s so easy to fall into the mindset ‘ I wish my partner would do this’ or ‘ I wish my partner would do that’ and not take steps to actually communicate your needs accurately to your partner.
One of the hardest challenges that I have faced as a female is not letting my emotions negatively impact my communication. My husband is a Senior Manager at his job and is evaluated on his communication skills regularly.
He is sometimes completely in shock at how much my emotions get in the way of my communication with him. I had not focused on this issue until he pointed it out.
I do pride myself in being a good communicator, but the second emotions come into play, I lose all the skills and I am reduced into an emotional wreck (sometimes I even cry).
When I get emotional, I can’t hear anything my husband is saying. My thoughts and feelings cloud up my train of thought. I become the worst version of myself. I lose the ability to calm myself down, and then it’s usually a downward spiral from there. I become irrational. My husband then gets (rightfully) angered and upset by my irrational emotions. In the end, the argument gets a lot bigger than it should have.
Thank goodness with some marriage counselling we’ ve made big progress. I strongly believe in couples/marriage counselling. Sometimes people are embarrassed to admit they need help, but it truly can make a huge difference in your communication in marriage. If you are not able to figure out your relationship issue yourself, I strongly recommend seeking out a good counsellor.
I think that many people struggle with letting emotions getting in the way of communication. Usually (not always) one partner is more emotional than the other, and the less emotional individual often has trouble understanding what’s going on.
In my marriage, I am the emotional one for sure. I am sometimes jealous of the fact that my husband does not have ‘ out of control’ emotions to deal with.
Below are some techniques that I learned in couples counselling that I think could benefit just about everybody.
Ask yourself these questions to see how good your communication in marriage skills are…